Credulous ability

Ever since I was young I had this fear of sharks. It started dawning on me when I got pushed up in swimming classes. We used to go to to this hugeeeeee pool that was 7 feet deep and Ross Sea cold. Through the eyes of a child; let’s just say it was pitch dark down there. And I was scared to my bones everytime it was my turn to take the plunge. I was the fastest swimmer because simply; that darkness down there definitely, certainly, absolutely, undoubtfully had A HUGE shark swimming through it waiting to strike.

So I swam. Six year old me gave it her all and felt the uttermost relief everytime she reached the other side. Almost like she was saved from definite death.

Now I’m 19 and yes, I still have a fear of shark, at least so I found out a while ago. After swimming classes were over, I completely forgot about sharks. In fact, I had a growing love for animals that did not include many sea creatures. I lived a shark free life I guess. Didn’t even watch Jaws or whatever that movie is called.

Anyway, back to the point. I had a nightmare yesterday like almost every other day of this beautiful month. I dreamt that I was going back into the water for a friend because I saw this ‘mystical’ creature that they wanted to study for class. I was swimming and found almost nothing until I saw the fin. So let’s just cut to the chase, shall we? (shark chased girl, girl flapped away. Shark pounced at girl, girl got arm cut off.)

I’m deeply wounded, mentally. This dream has been recurring and I think writing about it might just make it feel a bit less painful? In my dream, I was running around with an arm in my hand begging doctors to put it back for me, but no one did. I had excruciating pain in my left arm and I was too relieved when I woke up to the sun shining and the birds chirping.

I guess I just have a credulous ability to believe in things.

I get scared easily.


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